Play golf today to build tomorrow’s relationship
Ken Cook
Confession right up front — I'm a golfer. I've played for over 35 years and last year I broke 80 for the first time. I did it only once, but it's enough to ensure I'll be back for years to come.
I tell you this so you understand that I have a built-in bias when it comes to golf. However, that bias does not diminish my recommendation — play golf to build relationships. Golf is an uninterrupted four-plus hours of conversation, banter, and opportunities to get to know someone.
I recommend this because relationships are not something you can create out of thin air when you need them. You need to build them before you need them. Initiating and strengthening your relationships takes time. Like Rome, trust is not built in a day.
Consider the dysfunctional world of Washington DC politics. President Obama and Speaker Boehner play golf together. The media is filled with criticism of the President and the Speaker, ranging from a waste of time to cavorting with the enemy. The media and the pundits though are wrong.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg had the most on-point comment in defense of President Obama's golf habit:
“They criticize him for going and playing golf with people who he's got to deal with. He should be doing that every weekend. You always can work better with somebody who you have a chance to build a social relationship with.”
The challenge we all face is the commitment of time and effort needed to build relationships. Golf at four-plus hours is a lot. Consider the alternative. You're vying for a piece of business with the chief marketing officer as the decision maker. You know the CMO through your business meetings, discussing his needs and the opportunity.
Your competitor knows the CMO in the same way as you. Your competitor also knows the CMO through golf. Your competitor and the CMO played in a member-guest event and two of your competitor's satisfied customers rounded out the foursome. This occurred months ago when the relationship first started.
Who do you think the CMO feels closer to in terms of understanding, empathy and trust? All things being equal, your competitor probably has a stronger relationship. The reason is the investment of time in building the relationship.
Building your relationships should be a constant in your daily and weekly activities. Focus on relationships that are going to strengthen and benefit both sides. Make informed choices when selecting those relationships. Then invest time in order to build trust.
And as sacrilegious as this phrase might be, realize that your investment does not have to be golf. Find activities that become part of your normal schedule and routine. Examples could include:
• Host a dinner once a month and invite three people with whom you want stronger relationships and these three people would benefit from knowing each other.
• Every week set aside one hour to call at least three people whom you haven't spoken to in awhile. Inquire as to how they are doing and look for a way to be generous or to help.
• Once a week make an email connection between two people who you believe should know each other.
• Forward an article of interest or a send an interesting book to someone.
• Use your electronic calendar skills to remember birthdays; be different and remember anniversary dates as well (for anything memorable, not just marriages).
Build a set of activities that are uniquely you. Choose things that reflect your style and how you connect with people. The key is making sure you invest the time, today and tomorrow. When you need a relationship to help you, it will already be there. You won't have to go looking for it or hope to build it.
Ken Cook is the managing director of Peer to Peer Advisors and Developer of Selling Personified, a program for building business through relationships. Learn more at www.peertopeeradvisors.com.
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